dyirbal’s blog

LAist Liveblogs the Oscars

Live, from in front of our television set, it’s LAist’s Oscar night liveblog extravaganza.I’ve spent the hours preceding tonight’s telecast half-assedly getting ready by drinking beer, making brownies, and marveling over how few movies I actually saw this year (yet again.) I’ve stocked the larder with movie-going snacks, like popcorn, junior mints, and Twizzlers (sorry, this Canadian cannot do Red Vines; they taste like candles). Last night some amped up pitch gal with a perma-grin came on my tv and told me I could add some pizazz to my Oscar party by renting my own red carpet, getting some velvet ropes, and serving only red and gold (uh, yellow) Mn’Ms. Sure, lady, like that’s going to happen. Besides, if I really wanted to do the Oscars like a starlet I would have stopped eating days ago, taken a couple of Xanax, grabbed a shot of Botox, and fine-tuned my desire for universal acceptance and adoration.Okay, enough of all that. Let’s talk Oscars. I’m going to update this as needed, with the most recent juicy morsel at the top, so if you’re late to the party, grab yourself some Honey Mustard pretzels and scroll down to catch up.7:34 p.m. The ancient man who is getting an honorary Oscar before he departs this earth is getting a standing ovation. I like that he’s sporting an old school white scarf atop his tux. He will now thank everyone he’s ever met, from the man behind the candy counter who gave him his first caramel at the age of four on up to Nicole Kidman, who just introduced him to the audience. Ironically, he thanked someone who was known for “cutting to the chase.”7:31 p.m. This one’s for LAist Editor Zach. The NY Times’ Carpetbagger blog notes that of the three acting awards handed out thus far, all three have gone “to actors whose professional homes lie outside Hollywood” aka the Americans are losing in their own contest. There’s a metaphor about our global status in there somewhere.7:29 p.m. It’s the Bourne conspiracy! The action franchise takes another technical award, making that three for the night.7:20 p.m. Finally, real people singing a real song. It’s “Falling Slowly” from Once. Kind of a weeper, but better than what else has been up there so far. It’s followed by a montage of all the past Best Pictures. Wow, I have not seen a whole lot of these movies! Time to update the Netflix queue out of guilt…or should I just admit I don’t ever want to see Braveheart or Bridge on the River Kwai?7:18 p.m. Jon Stewart and the 11-year-old kid who sang that August Rush song are playing Wii tennis on giant screens! Now that looks like fun!7:08 p.m. Past Best Actress winners montage…I think it’s time for Best Actress! Here comes Forest Whitaker! W00t! Queen Liz I, a lady with Alzheimers, someone looking for a big red pillow, Edith Piaf, and a pregnant teen. And the Oscar goes to…WHOA, big surprise! Marion Cottillard as Edith Piaf in La Vie En Rose. This flummoxed French girl says she’s speechless but still manages to sputter out a gleeful thanks to life and love, adding there’s some angels in this city after all.7:06 p.m. Sound Mixing! Woo hoooo! The ponytail guy wins again! Now maybe he’ll get a raise and be able to afford a haircut. 7:04 p.m OMG, the late Doris Duke’s sketchy butler Bernard Lafferty just won an Oscar! Just kidding, Bernard Lafferty is dead, too. But some weird looking guy with a 1991 ponytail and dangly earrings was making an acceptance speech for one of those Bourne movies.6:54 p.m. Kristin Chenoweth asks in song how she might know if he loves her. Were it not a Sesame Streety Disney tune I’d tell her she’d know he loved her if he didn’t sleep with her best friend. 6:48 p.m. Coen Bros take Best Adapted Screenplay for No Country For Old Men (based on the novel by Cormac McCarthy). Man, things are somber. Why can’t someone besides the announcer lady mess up or do something ridiculous? Who will mix things up with some one-armed push ups? Why couldn’t Enchanted be a movie about a princess who runs into and performs musical numbers with gangster rappers? Am I seriously left to get excited about the dead people tribute montage?6:38 p.m. Lawsuits, police questioning, biopics, seri …
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